My moment Chance

June 07th, 2008 | Category: Pregnancy

I was so excited! After experiencing a miscarriage just months before, we were pregnant! I was due to deliver my baby in May. I went for my prenatal doctor visit and all was well. At that duration, I was informed that it was mandatory to all pregnant woman to have an HIV analysis. Actually, I could be tested thereupon or wait until I gave birth and thereupon have the baby tested. Naturally, I consented to the tryout. I was not in any high-risk groups for HIV. I never gave it another thought.

The phone rang at my domestic a couple of weeks later. My doctor was on the line. He asked me to come in to the office. For some reason that escapes me, I wasn’t able to. I remember a feeling of dread. I asked him whether there was a problem. I remember him saying something to the effect of he didn’t want to do that by the phone. My feeling of dread increased. I told him it was ok to tell me. Please tell me. So, by the telephone I heard these words: “Your lab tests have come back.” I’m afraid you tested positive for HIV.” I thought I heard him wrong. I was numb with shock and crying out to my husband. “What, my husband asked?” I stammered something to him, I don’t even remember what I said. I was sobbing as I hung up the phone. I was three months pregnant and HIV positive.

My first, my very first thought, was that I was going to die. My baby and I were going to die. I cried like I have never cried before. How could that be? There has to be a mistake. Surely that is some mix-up. There was no mistake. There was no mix-up. I eventually went into the office and talked with my doctor. He was wonderful. He referred me to humans who are knowledgeable about HIV. These professionals were able to reassure me that I wasn’t going to die. But what about my baby, I asked? Should I have him? What is the right thing to do? I was sad, confused and scared. that just couldn’t be real.

I was started on medication while carrying my baby. I was told I would have to have a cesarean and would not be able to breast feed, as HIV is transmitted both through the birth canal and breast milk. My son, once born, would

be given medication and would plus have to have his blood drawn for three months after birth to be certain he wasn’t carrying my antibodies. After three months, I was told my antibodies should be out of his system. I think that was the hardest part of all - holding my newborn in my arms while someone poked him with a needle to draw blood. I cried each instance along with him.

It has now been eight years since that fateful evening. I did not die, nor did my baby. My son is now a healthy, happy seven year old. He does not have the HIV virus.

My son actually saved my life, though he is not aware of that. I was given a moment chance at life considering of my pregnancy. Had I not become pregnant, I more than likely would not have had the HIV tryout and never known I was positive until I became symptomatic. I could have had a much more serious outcome. I could have become sick. Thankfully, I am one of the lucky ones.

I have become much more educated about HIV since that fateful night. I now know it is not the death sentence I thought it was. But, when the doctor spoke those words to me, in my heart and in my intellect, the only thing I could think was that I was going to die.

Since soon after, I have maintained my health, am raising my son with my devoted husband and am trying to live each day as it comes. Facing death, or even the thought of death, has changed me forever. I am now thankful for each day I’m alive.

Original post by admin2